I walked along the beach, leaving my shoe prints in the sand. Knowing that no-one would follow, I did not look back. The past was over and I had severed all ties. Even though it had been the ‘right thing to do’, my heart still ached. with the same desire that had started all this.
I had always wanted a family of my own. Growing up in foster care, I had never experienced a relationship in which I was put first. Moving from house to house, I became expert at containing my life in a backpack and duffel bag. I learned not to trust and to keep my emotions tightly folded within my heart. I had always wanted a family; but never thought I would experience one of my own.
And then Cassie came into my life.
Cassie brought me joy. And hope. Hope that I could have what I yearned for. A family to love. A family to rely on. People to call my own. Cassie embraced all of who I am – my quirks and inhibitions. She gave me her family. Her siblings became mine; her parents became mine. We were inseparable for years and believed we would never be apart. With her friendship and love, I learned to open up my heart and embrace emotions.
We were too naive. Love came between us. Love and Brandon. Cassie stopped spending time with me. I noticed her parents no longer invited me over for dinners. Her siblings no longer asked me to join their games.
” I don’t know why you are surprised!” she told me. “You were my friend not theirs.”
Her cutting words felt as if they had ripped my heart open. I knew then I had lost not only a friend and loved one, but also a family. I told her goodbye and walked away. I had almost forgotten how.
Now my bags are packed once again and I am moving on. I hope that my next destination will heal the rift in my heart.
And maybe lead me to a family that will truly be my own.
Have you always had a family of your own?
© Colline Kook-Chun, 2018
(This post is linked to Sue Vincent’s #writephoto challenge)