Desire for Family

I walked along the beach, leaving my shoe prints in the sand. Knowing that no-one would follow, I did not look back. The past was over and I had severed all ties. Even though it had been the ‘right thing to do’, my heart still ached. with the same desire that had started all this.

********

I had always wanted a family of my own. Growing up in foster care, I had never experienced a relationship in which I was put first. Moving from house to house, I became expert at containing my life in a backpack and duffel bag. I learned not to trust and to keep my emotions tightly folded within my heart. I had always wanted a family; but never thought I would experience one of my own.

And then Cassie came into my life.

Cassie brought me joy. And hope. Hope that I could have what I yearned for. A family to love. A family to rely on. People to call my own. Cassie embraced all of who I am – my quirks and inhibitions. She gave me her family. Her siblings became mine; her parents became mine. We were inseparable for years and believed we would never be apart. With her friendship and love, I learned to open up my heart and embrace emotions.

We were too naive. Love came between us. Love and Brandon. Cassie stopped spending time with me. I noticed her parents no longer invited me over for dinners. Her siblings no longer asked me to join their games.

” I don’t know why you are surprised!” she told me. “You were my friend not theirs.”

Her cutting words felt as if they had ripped my heart open. I knew then I had lost not only a friend and loved one, but also a family. I told her goodbye and walked away. I had almost forgotten how.

********

Now my bags are packed once again and I am moving on. I hope that my next destination will heal the rift in my heart.

And maybe lead me to a family that will truly be my own.

#writephotoHave you always had a family of your own?

© Colline Kook-Chun, 2018

(This post is linked to Sue Vincent’s #writephoto challenge)

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13 thoughts on “Desire for Family

  1. Losing family hurts, however it happens. It’s loses which help us know better what kind of family we want to build…or let go. If this is fictional, it reads sincere and true.

    Like

  2. That captures the life of a foster kid well. I know legally, kids in foster care are supposed to be granted “permanency,” either by reunification with their birth family, permanent placement, or adoption, but you can’t legally mandate permanency of the heart.

    Like

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