The hardest goodbye was the first. The first death of a loved one who was close to my heart and with whom I had spent so much time. I remember looking down at her as she lay in the coffin. She seemed so small and insignificant and yet she had been a large force in my life for so many years. I remembered her presence, her love, and her wisdom.
The hardest goodbye was the first. In saying goodbye to her, I said goodbye to the inexperience of death. I learned, firsthand, what it meant to longer touch the person I loved. I learned what it meant to no longer confide in her and laugh with her. To no longer hear her stories, or listen to her advice. I had never thought she would not be a part of my life.
The hardest goodbye was the first. I hold onto the memories of my loved ones who have left this life. I think of them often, sometimes unexpectedly. Tears come to my eyes. I miss them and long for them. My life is filled with others – some whom I love as much as I did the ones who have gone. And yet they are never replaced.
The hardest goodbye was the first. And with the first goodbye, I knew that others would come after. The circle of life includes death; and I have come to accept this. And yet saying a final goodbye to a loved one never gets easier.
The hardest goodbye was the first. And the experience did not harden my heart. The goodbyes that have come after still rip my heart apart and bring me heartache.
But the hardest goodbye was the first.
© Colline Kook-Chun, 2016
(This post is linked to Kellie Elmore’s Free Write Friday)