It had been a while since I had come to the place of my childhood – I had run far and fast two years ago. I looked at the unkempt boat on the pier, seeing in my mind’s eye the young blonde child laughing with her dad. Those had been happy times when I had blossomed in the radiance of a father’s love. If only he had not felt the need to bring two strangers into our lives. Looking at my father’s old boat, I swore that they would pay for what they had done to the man I had loved all my life.
What details would you add to this story?
© Colline Kook-Chun, 2015
(This post was inspired by Friday Fictioneers hosted by Rochelle. The challenge asks for bloggers to write a story in 100 words or less in response to the photo prompt.)
I would enhance the two strangers and make them intriguing and maybe scary… go for it..I say smiling…
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Most definitely! And I would, of course, need to find an interesting way for them to enter into their lives 🙂
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Colline, this is a great start to a really good story. You should write a book. You could take this intro into many directions. 🙂
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This is what I thought Michelle as I finished this. However, I need to complete the story I have already begun 🙂
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What a great start to a book or short story! I want more!
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This is certainly going in my binder for stories to continue 🙂
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I’d like to read on with this one, its intriguing!
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Thank you. It has turned out to be a good introduction to a story that can be expanded.
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Great work
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Thank you Ruby.
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Dear Colline,
This reads like the introduction to a much larger work. Intriguing and nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you Rochelle – though that was not my intention when I began writing 🙂
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Continue this, COlline. 🙂
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I think I need to Imelda 🙂
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The two strangers were old army friends, friends from long before the little girl was born, they survived terrible hardships and formed a bond, they made a vow to always locate and support each other in later years, years passed and the two strangers met up, both down at the heel and homeless, they found her Dad and rekindled their friendship, and reminded each other of their vow, they asked the father for help, a help the old man couldnt give, they swore they would tell their story and have him locked up for life, he refused and was violently bludgeoned, and so the secret of the German Uboat commander went with him to the grave
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Now this would make for an intriguing story Ian! 🙂
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Dear Colline, Great story and you really could write a book with this. Perhaps expand the devious intent these ‘strangers’ had in the demise of the father. Really, really good! Nan 🙂
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This is what I was thinking Nan. She has come back because her father was ultimately destroyed by these two strangers he let into his life.
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Intriguing! I look forward to seeing where you go with it Colline 🙂
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Thank you so much Amanda.
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A very mysterious situation. I like how you’ve used a sort of roundabout viewpoint – two years later, then flashback to a happy childhood, and into the future with her plans for revenge. Nice.
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Thank you Margaret. I spent a bit of time getting it right 🙂
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Agree with the others Colline….this is a great beginning that draws one in! Can’t wait to see where you take it 🙂
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Thank you so much Madhu.
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“What details would you add to this story?” That’s a difficult question to answer because to add to this particular story would change it from a 100-word vignette into something different. I guess the one thing I’d want to know is how old the narrator is and why/how she wants to take revenge.
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As I finished writing the piece, I realized some people would have questions – and I was curious as to what they would be.
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I think I’d like to see more about these two strangers and what happened between them and her father. This is a really good story that I’d love to read more of. 🙂
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Thank you for your encouragement 🙂
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