Day 15: Life Changes

My life changed even more than in the preceding years when I migrated north. There were times when I felt I was still adjusting to being a wife, a stepmother, and a mom. Changing countries added yet another dimension to the changes I was experiencing. I had accepted these changes when I agreed to marriage, and then to relocating. My acceptance of them, however, did not make them any easier to bear.

I have mentioned already that the move made me more self reliant and resilient. Becoming a mom without any outside support brought about changes as well. I slowly came to be more demonstrative (I certainly could not help hugging my children) and more creative with my time (cooking was often done on the fly while keeping an eye on two toddlers). I quickly learned to be less strict about the neatness of my home – the children seemed to bring with them a little chaos and I did not have a servant to help me clean up. I definitely learned to go with the flow as young children cannot be rushed to eat, to wake up, or even get ready to go out.

Moving north altered my marriage too. I believe the move made our marriage stronger. We learned to rely on another, to trust in one another, and to get comfort from one another. My husband and I have spent much time together talking together as friends. We have planned things together, steadied one another during rough patches, and laughed together.

My life did change when I migrated north. And it is a life, with all of its ups and downs, that has been lived for each moment.

photo (10)If you have missed any of my Migrating North posts, head on over here.Β 

Β© Colline Kook-Chun, 2014

(This post was written for the FMF 31 day challenge hosted by Kate Motaung. Today’s prompt is: life)

32 thoughts on “Day 15: Life Changes

  1. It is great to hear that your marriage is stronger now. Sometimes the pressure of something like that can make it worse. You don’t talk about your stepson much, is he still with you?
    I remember when we went to Denmark, my eldest was 4 months old, and when we came back she was almost a year old. I didn’t have the support over there that you get here and I think I did a lot of things that would’ve been frowned upon here, LOL.


      1. That is great to hear Colline, I have to confess I am kind of looking forward to when my girls move out. Not soon, but in the next few years.
        I know what you mean, though for me I was terrified of going back to the health centre nurse and having to tell her that Briony was eating pate, salami, drinking chocolate milk, LOL, thankfully the nazi style one that was there before I went had left.


  2. I had to laugh when I read about you downgrading your home neatness expectations. πŸ™‚ That’s the only sane thing to do when there are kids. I had to learn that, too. However, there are times, when the mess is just so tiring and trying I lose my cool.


  3. You are really very strong in the way you handled everything that you experienced and this makes you a better person. Without the help of your family it would have been very difficult to keep on going


      1. If it also wasn’t for my son and now my daughter in law I think I wouldn’t have survived. They kept on pushing me to move on and do new things. They also kept on showing me that it is better to be here.


        1. It is always good to have people to support you when you are homesick. My husband had gone through the experience before soo he was more prepared for the change than I was.


  4. I can often feel the strength and the warmth of your marriage in your posts, Colline. πŸ™‚ I used to get so irritated trying to get out that door when they were small! Patience came to me late in life…. come to think of it, maybe it still hasn’t got here πŸ™‚


    1. I learned quickly Jo to start getting them ready early – and to wait. Now that they are older often my impatience shows as they are now capable to dress faster πŸ™‚


  5. You touch upon changes that are universal Colline. Some of those adjustments are inevitable and necessary to hold onto our sanity, as Imelda puts it. My obsessions are back in place now that we are just the two of us, although they are relaxed completely for the duration of the grandchildren’s visit. Our daughter thinks that is unfair πŸ™‚


  6. Letting go of the idea of a “spotless” home was a great step in the right direction, Colline. When kids are involved, allowances must be made. Who needs that stress? When I visit friends/family with kids, I couldn’t care less if the place is spic-and-span clean. I’m there to visit the family and not to conduct an inspection.


  7. Enjoyed that story Colline, changes do have an effect on lifestyles and a marriage.
    Ana moved from Chile to Australia for our marriage, I realise how much the change does affect each person, we have both adapted and rely on each other, as is the basics of any marriage.
    It is not easy in many ways and compromise must be reached in some cases.
    Ideally we would like to live in two countries, this cannot happen but we can make it happen that we can share both countries for a time at least.


    1. That is what we try to do Ian – though we cannot spend as much time as we wish in South Africa. The ideal would be to live in both countries for 6 months – and escape the Canadian winter πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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