During the first few years of living in Toronto, I felt that I was stuck. I missed home, I missed spending time with my mom, I missed the lifestyle I had lived in South Africa. I spent my days in the apartment we had rented with my children: playing with them and doing ‘work’ with them. My husband had not found a job and the worry of that weighed on my mind.
I felt stuck between two places. I longed for home, for the familiarity of the surroundings I had grown up in. In the city of Toronto I was unable to move forward because I longed for the place I had grown up in, and because our situation did not seem to be changing. Friends were difficult to make as people in the city of Toronto are not as open as those who live in my home country. We had no car and could not drive around. Our place was sparsely furnished with almost no mementoes from our previous lives.
I felt stuck for many years – even once I found a job. The job was just that – a job. I did not enjoy doing it and yet continued working at it each day as we needed the money to pay the rent. I found a better job working with pleasant people – and yet I was bored. I had chosen to teach so I would not be stuck in an office all day but that was what I had ended up doing.
It has taken a while but I no longer feel that I am stuck between two places. I am now working at a job I was trained to do and I am enjoying the experience. Bit by bit, I feel that I am moving towards where I should be. It is still a struggle as I was not born in this place but at least now I believe that my goals can be achieved.
If you have missed any of my Migrating North posts, head on over here.
© Colline Kook-Chun, 2014
(This post was written for the FMF 31 day challenge hosted by Kate Motaung. Today’s prompt is: stuck)