Realisation

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I wake up, roll over and gaze through an open window. I see that twilight has arrived and with it the gentle fall of snowflakes. I sigh and get up to block out the outside world with the over washed grey curtain. The endless, dreary days have begun to blend into one another and I am not sure exactly how long I have been waiting here for. I was meant in this place for a week. Instead I have watched the Autumn leaves change colour and fall to the ground and seen the world turn winter white. How long should I wait for? The uncertainly renders me passive; and my inability to act brings with it a sort of numbness that I cannot seem to shake off.

I had arrived in this small town on the edge of the water full of hope, certain that my future had been determined. I was to meet him, the man of my dreams, here in this faraway village. I had left behind my job, the apartment I had worked so hard to buy, my family, and my social network of friends. He wanted a new beginning, he said, far away from those who would criticise us for our relationship. Far away from the wife he was to leave, and the parents who kept an emotional noose around his neck.

James. The man of my dreams. My soul mate. I think of his gentle laughter, and the lock of tawny hair that falls across his forehead. I think of how he makes me feel with his touch: all tingly and excited inside. Will I still feel like that now? Four months after the last time we touched, hand to hand, and kissed goodbye as I left behind all I knew .

I look through the living room window, peering through the snowfall to see whether dim car lights are approaching. I peer in vain and I begin to accept that my wait, too, is in vain. He is not coming. My gentle James is not strong enough to leave the life that makes him unhappy. He is not determined enough to leave the people that dominate him and subdue his inner soul. I close the shabby curtains slowly, knowing that tomorrow I will leave this place to return to the life I had left behind.

Would you have waited so long?

(This piece of creative writing was inspired by Rebbecca T. Dickson in her Just Write Challenge)

© Colline Kook-Chun, 2013

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14 thoughts on “Realisation

  1. Beautiful many can relate to this. I see you are busy reading Nora Roberts – I nearly finished The blue dahlia , I enjoyed it very much. (I ‘m not really a romantic reader!)

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  2. 4 months? Is that such a long wait?

    Of course I would have waited, and I would have done so happily knowing, no matter the outcome, that I had encountered, even if briefly, someone worth waiting for. That he could not bring himself, for whatever reason, to go through with it does not make what we’d shared any less great. It seems the misery, sadness, and gloom on her part was entirely self-imposed.

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    1. I think you are right Alex. I was even wondering whether something unforeseen may have happened to him: an accident, or an illness. (The process I tend to go through when I am thinking of a story 🙂 )

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      1. Which shows why we should never assume, Colline. And also, our love of others and the happiness we get just from the fact that they exist on the planet and have in some way shared their existence with us, should not be based on whether they are always 100% what we want them to be.

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        1. Enjoy the moments that we have with people, is what I would take from your comment. Ties in with the my belief that the relationships we have with others are a gift and we should never take advantage of it (or them) – or try to change what we are experiencing to some preconceived notion that we have.

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  3. Your character waking up to find that it’s twilight was a great hook. That kept me reading more than anything. Good work, Colline. Now I may just have to go over and check out this challenge too. I’ve been trying to do the 100-word challenges for 2 reasons: they don’t take as much time — and I need the practice and discipline of saying more in fewer words. Does this challenge have any kind of word limit, or do we get to flow freely?

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    1. We can write until we have nothing left in our head to put down in words. Some posts are long, some are short. When you read the attempts of others, you will find both poetry and prose. And many interesting interpretations 🙂

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    1. I agree. Blogging is helping me to find my voice in writing. I have always said to my students that by practising their writing, they will improve it. Now I have found a way to do this practice myself – and enjoy it!

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